Boy, it’s been a long road to get here to the “Design Star” finale, hasn’t it? Surely they’ll reward us for our loyalty, right?
Well, it turns out what we get for our trouble is a previously recorded show stuffed with montages, Lumber Liquidator endorsements, and a not-so-live audience. This crowd is so stale I think they lifted them straight from one of “The Bachelor Women Tell All” episodes. You know the kind, where they edit it so it sounds like the audience is laughing uproariously at everything? And there’s applause every five seconds? Yeah.
Oh, well. At least there’s a little drama right up front when Clive Pearse announces that everyone is here–except Mikey V.
No Mikey V? They’ll surely give an explanation for his absence, won’t they?
I guess not. They move right along and never mention him again. Of course we all know Mikey’s former career caught up with him a few weeks ago, but I’m still surprised they banished him from the finale. I have to say I’m pretty disappointed.
Jen’s gotten a makeover since the show, and I think she looks great. Don’t you like her new haircut? I wonder if my comment about her headbands had anything to do with it?
The first thing Clive does is ask Tracee about the reactions she’s been getting from people. This is the classic Reality Competition Show question that is always asked of the least-liked person in the cast. Tracee insists she has had “mostly all positive reactions from folks,” all who are just dying to see more of her design work.
Okay, that was almost convincing.
There’s a montage of Matt “snoring like a bear in hibernation.” Awesome Mike says he was sleeping in the girls’ room, so he never heard it. (The girls’ room?)
Awesome Mike goes on to brag about how he wears a ton of makeup, which makes him look so awesome, like, all the time.
They run a clip in which D. Wayne–who I had kind of forgotten was even on this show–questions Awesome Mike’s age, telling him that he looks “way older than 23. Like, 30-ish.” So we’re not the only ones who had our doubts about that!
Now there’s a montage of Awesome Mike being two-faced repeatedly, praising each contestant in turn and then bad-mouthing them to the camera. Cut to him insisting, “I am not two-faced!”
We meet Awesome Mike’s Awesome Mom Linda, who is Awesome Mike’s Biggest Fan. He tells us that she is his best friend in the whole wide world. They do everything together. And adds, “I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. I don’t have a wife. I’m not married.”
So, newsflash: Ladies, he’s still available!
There are more montages. I started writing them all down, about Stephanie mangling words like femininizing and expensiver, and everyone crying, and Tracee dissing the other “designers, if you want to call them that,” but my attention is drifting, to be honest with you.
There’s more fake applause from the fake audience holding fake signs that I imagine some poor summer intern had to make for them to wave around. (Note the sign that says, “DESIGN STAR ROCKS.” I rest my case.)
The judges make an entrance. We see clips of them hating on one blah design after another. Clive says, “You’re a tough bunch.”
Now we see some clips of green room tears and fighting. Clive says he’s glad he never went in there. Montage of people tripping and shopping carts tipping. Kinda funny. Might’ve made the show more fun if they’d shown those during the actual episodes!
We see a clip of Tracee revealing that her secret weapon is. . .her brain. Look how hard that made Vern laugh:
The New Orleans families are back to thank Matt and Jen for making over their rooms last week. Lumber Liquidators and Sears both squeeze one final advertisement for themselves by giving both families gift cards.
Last year’s winner Kim Myles appears on the scene and presents Matt and Jen with two final paint cans. Inside are little cruise ships, which means–you guessed it–yet another endorsement. They’re going on cruises. And we see a mini commercial for it.
I’m yawning now. Let’s cut to the chase. Who won this thing? Whose life, as Clive says, is about to change forever?
It’s Jennifer! Looks like the rest of America voted the way we did on our little poll here. Cue the confetti.
So what do you think? Did the right person win or were you rooting for Matt?
Thanks to everyone who faithfully tuned in every week for my Design Star recaps, even though the season was less than stellar. I never would’ve stuck with it until the end if I hadn’t enjoyed your comments about the show on Monday mornings.
Next up: Bravo’s “Top Design,” which premieres Wednesday, September 3rd. If you’ll watch, I’ll recap!
P.S. Don’t forget I’m hosting a Hooked on House Tours Blog Party here on Tuesday. It’ll be one big Fantasy Open House tour around the blogosphere.
If You’re Hooked on Home-Improvement Television:
- Are You Flipping Out?
- Stephanie Dee Wins the HGTV Dream Home But Doesn’t Look All That Thrilled
- Bravo’s “Top Design” Gets New Host for Season 2
If You’re New Here: Hooked on Houses features decorating inspiration, celebrity house tours, fabulous before and afters, real estate news, fantasy open houses and more fun stuff. I love hearing from my readers, so I hope you’ll leave a comment and join the conversation!