Ever wish you could get your house to look like something out of a magazine? Here’s how to do it:
1. Open your front door. Step outside and walk away.
2. Move into an empty new house that has never been lived in before.
3. Hire a professional designer to furnish it in style.
4. Find alternative living arrangements for your kids.
5. Ditch Fluffy, too, while you’re at it.
6. Food + Kitchen = Mess, so never eat at home.
7. Quit your job so you have more time to focus on your house.
8. Call Martha Stewart–your house is ready for its close-up!
Happy April Fools Day! (Photo via Veranda.)
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You jokester! Actually, I like the sound of some of those options! I once read online about a “time capsule” house that was up for sale–in mint condition from the 1950s or 60s, furniture and appliances and everything! The children–there were 3 or 4–and the parents lived in the basement for fear of showing wear and tear on the house. They used the kitchen for special occasions only. Anyway, your #4 reminded me of this house.
Have a great April 1st!
.-= angela | the painted house´s last blog ..“Fried” Green Tomato Sandwiches =-.
LOL That was super cute!!
~Michelle
.-= Michelle´s last blog ..Wanna Chat? =-.
I love this Julia. You are so fun. I tell hubby all the time if he wants a clean house, he and the kids are going to have to go on a permanent vacation or get an apartment.
.-= Emily@remodelingthislife´s last blog ..The Spring Break List =-.
hehe… good stuff!
Good one, Julia! That time capsule house mentioned above is one of the saddest things I’ve ever heard. Apparently, they never thought of “house faking”.
http://40daysof.wordpress.com/2010/04/01/guilt/
.-= Nichole´s last blog ..Let’s Talk Food =-.
Fun! However, I did quit my job, and my house STILL isn’t picture perfect!!
.-= Laurie @ My Domicile Style´s last blog ..French Chicken in Vinegar Sauce with Pepper-Spiked Polenta =-.
I am loving the idea of not cooking anymore! What I’m willing to do to have my house look like a showcase home!! The sacrifices never end!
LOL! Funny stuff, Julia, although I’m liking the sound of #6!
I forgot it was April Fool’s day – very cute!
.-= Vanessa´s last blog ..Inexpensive Finds…Bathroom Vanities =-.
Forget Aprils Fool’s Day…I think every step was perfectly, wonderfully legitimate!!!!
Wait – you forgot one critical one: Win the lottery.
Okay the “time capsule house” makes me want to cry. One of the craziest things I’ve heard in a long time…
Marija
.-= Marija´s last blog ..Janus et Cie =-.
Oh my goodness! I was suckered into this one hook, line and sinker!
Seriously though, I am reminded of the folks who lived in this house prior to us. Every nook and cranny of the house was absolutely immaculate and not the slightest thing was out of place. They were a retired couple. No pets. They never had the grandchildren over to the house.. ever. They ate out every single meal except for lunch (which they did not cook,) and instead of using the living area downstairs, they put a little tv in their bedroom and basically lived there. Maybe they read this article?
.-= Diane´s last blog ..My Buy-Nothing Year, Update #7 (Otherwise entitled: Out of sight, out of mind) =-.
I love it, Julia!! You are so right.
Thanks for being the voice of reality!
.-= Courtney @ Nesting Instincts´s last blog ..Friday’s Fabulous Finds =-.
I love this! Every now and then I get caught up in wanting to make my house look like no one lives there…impossible, any way, that’s not “living”.
Great first read for April fools day!!
.-= Pat´s last blog ..I Just Don’t Know About Gardening ~ =-.
http://accidentalmysteries.blogspot.com/2009/07/time-capsule-house.html
Found it–although, the link to the news story doesn’t work any longer…very interesting! I wonder how those kids live in their own houses today.
.-= angela | the painted house´s last blog ..“Fried” Green Tomato Sandwiches =-.
Ha too funny! It’s true though!
HaHaHa! So true!
Hi-larious – love it
Love that! So funny! I have a big sign in my kitchen- A clean house is a sign of a misspent life! I live by that motto daily!!!!
.-= Stephanie´s last blog ..Mission Accomplished! =-.
I kind of rolled my eyes when I read the title of this post…TOO FUNNY! Janell
.-= Janell Beals´s last blog ..An Ikea Challenge =-.
LOL! It’s all true though!
.-= Jenny´s last blog ..Easter Themed Activites =-.
You got me!
.-= Tricia Rose´s last blog ..Portland =-.
Hahahaha! Totally true!
.-= Ruthann´s last blog ..Superman =-.
You little stinker!
Be a sweetie,
Shelia
.-= Shelia´s last blog ..Song Title Twist =-.
You got me I couldn’t hit the enter button fast enough! Haha back to reality! <3
Not that far off the mark. If you knew what we did at those photo shoots…Can’t ditch Fluffy though, the editors love the dogs.
You may be joking but this is pretty much true!!! haha
You are hilarious, not a bad plan!
.-= Bailey@peppermintbliss´s last blog ..Spring: Secrets of Domestic Bliss =-.
Hilarious! You totally got me, I was all excited to magazine up my house, pffft never going to happen. So funny and so true! Happy April Fools!!
.-= Hip Hip Gin Gin´s last blog ..Gutter Fabulous =-.
That was cute and brought a big fat needed smile to my face! Thank you!
And the thought of starting fresh is sure tempting ….
.-= Polly´s last blog ..Great genes. =-.
So true! And, you know, even after you hire that pro decorator, you should walk away and not actually live in your house because it will likely never look exactly that good again – unless you’re an obsessive freak of the Ms Stewart variety ; ) or have staff (also like Martha, which none of us really are, are we?)
.-= Tracy @ Comfort&Luxury´s last blog ..Off-Season Fireplace Fillers =-.
STINKER!!!
.-= the BLAH BLAH BLAHger´s last blog ..It’s Time for You to Go! =-.
I’m actually not sure why you disclaimed this with an “April Fool” mention at the end. It’s a perfect formula for making your house look magazine-ready.
LOVE it. Really made me laugh out loud! The saddest part is for some unknown reason (aka OCD), I tidy my house all day long as if the editor’s of House Beautiful are going to drop by. Ridiculous and exhausting. Make it stop. LOL
.-= RLG´s last blog ..Utility Sink in Bathroom =-.
The headline caught my attention. And, as a regional editors for magazines, I find your tips are soooo right on. Many people don’t recognize their homes, thanks to art directors and we stylists who come in an take away all the practicalities…..cheers -s
.-= LOVE WHERE YOU LIVE´s last blog ..Help Feed Those in Need — And Take Clara’s Lead for a Creative Home =-.
Love it! You are too funny.
.-= Lesley @ TheDesignFile´s last blog ..Etsy pick: Potter creates precious, pretty pieces =-.
Very fun!
This is why I love your blog. It has everything (about houses). You got me going with that headline and I was suckered.
LOL…very cute and very true! Have a good one and come say hi
.-= Julie Harward´s last blog .." BABIES…and…BABY CAKES"…. =-.
I was eager for your tips – you got me! You forgot to add –
“discontinue mail service to prevent papers from piling up.”
-Trish
.-= Trish @TheOldPostRoad´s last blog ..Easter Tablescape Thursdays =-.
I forgot all about April fools day, Julia! What a cute post and such a worth cause!
I so LOL’d @ #1 & 4.
Love your site girl! I so grabbed your button! You are on my top list of must stalk!
Cheers!
Tina
.-= Tina @ Enchanted Rose Studio´s last blog ..IS YOUR PAGE HEADER TIRED?……. =-.
Thanks for the laugh Julia.
But this is what we forget so easily, when we beat ourselves up about our houses not looking quite right – the fact is, we live in them.
Great reminder that magazine-land is a strictly fictitious place
.-= Struggler´s last blog ..Spend or Save: Ballet Flats =-.
Bwahahaha….I especially enjoyed #4.
.-= Amanda @ Serenity Now´s last blog ..Out of Pure Curiosity… =-.
Thank you so much for adding the information on April Food Day! We really appreciate your support!
.-= pigtown*design´s last blog ..April Food Day! =-.
Haha, you totally got me with this one! I was all excited as soon as I saw the header.
.-= Sarah´s last blog ..bananas, guac and oreos, oh my! =-.
Hilarious! I was excited, too, thinking, wow … my house can look like that?!?!? So true about finding alternative arrangements for kids!
LOL Sooo true!
.-= Susan´s last blog ..Welcome to the 84th Tablescape Thursday! An Easter Tablescape! =-.
Good One Julia although no. 6 sounds good to me I hate the pressure of what to cook for the next day I think we all face that problem. Anyway hope you have a wonderful Easter with your family. Do you guys eat as much chocolate as we do over here? Regards and Best Wishes Esther from Sydney… ps love Martha Stewart furniture just can’t afford not even a cushion let along a chair (thats harsh)…
Tongue-in-cheek is one of my favorite kinds of writing. Thanks for taking this opportunity to make a much-needed point.
Happy Easter to you!
.-= Richella at Imparting Grace´s last blog ..Good Friday =-.
Ok, so I was really looking forward to hearing some super secret tips!! HAHA! Hilarious!
.-= Catie´s last blog ..Saturday Skinny =-.
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