It’s time to play our favorite game: What 5 Changes Would You Make to this house? It’s on the market for $850,000, and “the seller is motivated.” It’s in an exclusive neighborhood, on nearly an acre of prime wooded property, so it’ll probably be a good deal for someone who is willing to put some work into it. The house itself has 7,000 square feet of living space and a 4-car garage. But it’s a little. . .dated.
Frankly, it’s stuck in 1983, the year it was built. I’m sure they spent a lot of money making it funky and fun 26 years ago, but now it’s time to do some serious redecorating.
The thing is, you can only choose the 5 most important things you think should be fixed, updated, or revamped right away. What would your priorities be? What improvements do you think would make the biggest difference?
Dining Room:
Master bedroom (yes, that appears to be a stage that the bed is on!):
Master bath:
Another bedroom:
Back of house:
Now that you’ve had a chance to look around, what do you think? Can this Ode to ’80s Excess be saved? What 5 changes would you make right away if you bought it?
If You’re Hooked on Fixer Uppers:
- What 5 Changes Would You Make to This Old House?
- When Bad Remodels Happen to Good Houses
- Can This Old House Be Saved?
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Ugh, I wouldn’t touch this house with a 10 foot pole. give me a nantucket charmer or a victorian lady anyday.
houses like these give me the creeps…too cold and ticky-tacky! (that purple carpeting on the tub decking DID get me chuckling though…
I’m very interested to learn what others might do to this house. I’m sure someone had to love it once!
JoAnn in NJ’s last blog post..Brushing Away The Cobwebs from the Ole’ Blog
What a great house! Over the top to be sure, but there’s great design in there. Exterior has a classic contemporary look.
The living room is great. Love the track lights and the mirrored fireplace surround. You could decorate this in the style of Jay Spectre or Sally Sirkin Lewis: sleek maximalist glam.
The kitchen is perfect. Lines of the cabinetry are sleek and contemporary. The overhead light fixture is unique and modern – really gives a distinctive, high-end, custom touch. And look at those high-end appliances!! Sub-Zero refrigerator, DUAL Jenn-Air cooktops!! I can tell the kitchen’s not new, but the only thing that really dates it for me is the trash compactor.
The dining room has a gaudy chandelier – change for one with a more retro-futuristic James Bond feel. Glass railings and mirrored architectural elements are cool touches.
Now some problems arise. The master bedroom and bath were NOT left intact from 1983; this redo dates from the early 90′s. The colors are garish and juvenile. The bedroom could simply be stripped down; the finishes you’d put in would depend on your final decor scheme. As for the bathroom, I love the drama of the jacuzzi platform – I would cover all of the wall surfaces and the platform in mirrors. I’d prefer white cararra marble, but the black marble in there is good quality and worth saving, looks good enough. Natural stone never dates – it’s an advantage over tile. I would have to get rid of the glass block and the white diamond tiles in the shower. I’d do cabinetry in the same sleek style as the kitchen, maybe high-gloss dove gray.
The young girl’s bedroom – hate the lavender of the carpet, but love the awesome foil wallpaper. With new wood or marble flooring and no kiddie furniture, it’s fine. Mirrored closet doors are a nice detail.
You don’t often find such beautiful premium modern homes of yesteryear left intact, in all their glory! Most people ruin them with cheap “updates” that clash with the original character. As such, this is a great find.
1) Strike a match
2) Carelessly toss
3) After the smoke clears, start from scratch
This is going to sound terribly rude, but I just can’t help myself. With each passing image, I grew more and more certain. Of what? That this is NOT an house; this is a party stretch limo on it’s way to Atlantic City. All that is missing is the Bachelor party!
Aw, come on… it’s not THAT bad, is it?!?
1. Remove ALL carpet and replace with tile or hardwood.
2. Paint that hideous bathroom.
3. Move the dining room chandelier to the nearest Fred Astaire dance studio.
4. The kitchen isn’t so bad, so maybe new countertops.
And 5. Install one stripper pole on the stage for good times!!
April’s last blog post..Recording of the performance is illegal
Hey – it is what it is! We haven’t set fire to Cyndi Lauper or Molly Ringwald and even Madonna is still going. Long live the 1980s in all its garishness! We may never see such hilarity again.
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Oh. My. Gosh.
There are seriously no words.
The bed stage is BAAAAADDDDD….but the purple carpeted, graffiti wallpapered bathroom is scar-y. Holy cow. I’ve never seen anything like that.
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OK, I’m actually drawn to this style of home- probably because I grew up in the ’80′s. Although I still probably wouldn’t buy it because the exterior is dated and I don’t want to be stuck with a house. I think that I could live with the kitchen and living room- after I tear out the carpet and change that mirrored fireplace.
I’d have to change the master bedroom- everything- master bath- everything and the other bedrooms. I could live with the kitchen for a while.
Amy’s last blog post..Back…To Randomness
Change it? Why I’d move in and have the biggest Open-House party on the block.
Although I’d definitely have to get a bigger tv for the bathroom…
It cracks me up that it is decorated with no trace of irony, the owners are obviously clueless as to changes in taste and fashion. I never understand people like that.
Now, on to the changes. Although I’m tempted to go Michael’s route above and bring on the wrecking ball, this house can be saved:
1 remove all wallpaper and carpet and put in hardwood
2 remove all built ins and sunken/elevated floors
3 new kitchen
4 ditch the canned track lighting
5 a more contemporary exterior, like concrete, with that ship’s railing taut wire stuff for the deck railings, I forget what it is called.
And then decorate it with a mix of modern and antique for an eclectic look. No house should be a museum to the year it was built.
Robin’s last blog post..I want my own mouse circus
Eeuughh… do you listen to Ke$ha and Katy Perry 24/7. THIS HOUSE IS AWESOME!!!!
LOL, I can’t believe they’re trying to sell that house without “neutralizing” it a bit. But, you know, if you look past all the surface horridness, the bones aren’t bad. The living room could be beautiful, and the whole house has nice light and seems spacious. It’s workable.
So:
1. All the carpet goes. Replace with wood, or tile in the bath.
so I’d do new counters and call that 1.
2. For God’s sake, paint that master bath. Ugh.
3. I don’t consider “new kitchen” one thing, more like 50
4.There are a lot of mirrors in this house that should not be there.
5. New lighting, pretty much everywhere.
I don’t get it…what’s so funny? (smirk) PS – my freshman dorm room was decorated in red and purple – all I was missing was the platform and lacquered furniture!
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The first pic had me thinking get rid of the track lighting, but by the time I made it to the purple carpeted, graffitied bath, I knew I would have no idea where to start with this house. Nor would I have the desire. I second Michael’s plan.
Carla’s last blog post..Quote for the day
1. Replace All flooring
2. Gut/ rehaul ktn
3. Change all lighting
4. paint everything
5. replace exterior siding.
This house will not lend its self to any form of traditional, shabby chic, New enlgand, etc…decor. But, with more soothing colors inside and out, lighting to illuminate properly, and functioning rooms such as kitchen and master bath (6th priority is rehabing the masterbath…starting with the staircase!), the beautiful trees and greenery on the property can become part of a calm and collected feeling inside the house.
Honestly, I would gut it and remodel every square inch…but it does take a little more imagination to think within parameters sometimes.
Did Bette Midler live here? OH MY GOSH!!
1. Glue the master bedroom suite door shut. There’s no saving it.
2. Remove that horrid flourescent light fixture monstrosity over the kitchen island.
3. Lose the kitchen table, I think it’s attached.
4. Remove all things mirrored, reflective or lacquered.
5. Beg for a 6, 7, 8, 9, to infinity.
Okay. First of all I’m guessing that the owners will take the awful furniture with them when they go, so that won’t be a problem. The first thing to go would be ALL of the lighting. The horrible track lighting and that scary chandelier. Eeek.
The second thing to go would be everything on the walls- mirrors, wallpaper, etc. Paint colors and possibly wallpaper- the fantastic expensive kind- would be chosen.
The third thing would be the flooring. Ceramic tile would be put down in the kitchen, bathrooms and mudrooms and the rest of the floors would be hard wood.
The fourth thing would be the bi-level rooms- all floors would be leveled (no stage in the bedroom- gees, whose idea was that?) and no carpeted seating around the bathtub (actually, I would rip out the bathtub as well). Carpet around the bathtub- that’s hilarious!
The fifth thing would be the kitchen- new appliances, sink, faucet, hardware for the cabinets and countertops.
That’s what I would do. But that’s just the first five things….
Cary’s last blog post..My First Guest Post!
i think the only thing to do would be to make it even more 80s-tastic.
if that’s possible.
maya | springtree road’s last blog post..At either end of the dirt road
I wouldn’t change anything except the carpet! I love the 80′s so it would be a perfect house for me!
I wouldn’t waste my time! It’s pretty bad! I think I would rather put the money into building a new home!
Oh my..and to think I would have thought that was cool at some point in my life.
Cathy’s last blog post..Pioneer Woman in Ohio–Not!!!!
Wow, I am incredibly sorry if this house happens to be from one of your readers. Or if whoever owns this home ends up reading your blog. But I guess the truth hurts.
And this is the truth: It is baaaaaaaaaaaaad.
I can’t possibly think of only 5 things!!!
1) Take out that carpet!!!
2) Redo the entire master bedroom (hee hee, I’m sneaky)
3) Redo entire master bath
4) Update kitchen
5) Update exterior of home! Repaint it.
I think it is just so outrageous that anyone would decorate their home this way!!! I mean trends come and go, you have GOT to know that! You should NEVER go to extremes like that! And how could they have lived with it that long?? Okay, nevermind, how could they have lived with it PERIOD!?
Oh, Julia, this awful, awful, awful.
Amber Filkins @ {ae filkins}’s last blog post..Living Room Makeover: Shelf edition
I am a decorating klutz, but I got some great laughs reading these posts. B/c of my lack of a decorating gene I’m just taking this all in, but I did have one thought. It has to do w/that purple bathroom carpet. Upon removing it I would higly recommend protective gloves b/c there may have been some nakey hineys sitting on that carpet and that just totally freaks me out. Another thought is that maybe they could enter that t.v. show that does the makeovers to get your house to sell. Omgosh, it would be so funny to see the makeover people do their first walk through! What a challenge this house would be. And a funny thing is that the house looks totally innocent from the outside, but hiding inside is a whole ‘nother story!
The previous owners are taking all furniture and light fixtures with them, right?
1. Remove all carpets, and replace with hardwood floors (bathrooms would be tiled)
)
2. Replace cupboard doors with a more updated or classical look (think Norah’s kitchen from Brothers & Sisters). Replace taps and knobs as well as new counter tops. Preferrably Carrarra marble.
3. Master bedroom: Rip out evetything, level floor and remove the “niche” for the bed. Insert a new wooden staircase. Paint the walls a colorful neutral. (this is ONE thing, right?
4. Master bath: my goodness… Everything goes. subway tiles and the walls, hex tiles on the floor. Clawfoot bathtub and vintage custom made vanity.
5. Extra bedroom: Rip out everything but the mirrored wardrobe/cabinet. Would look beautiful against the dark hardwood floors.
This is just a start, but the house definitly has potential both inside and outside. It would cost a fortune to do everything, though. I think I majorly overran the 5 things limit.. Sorry, got a bit carried away here!
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I would just keep it as my LOVE NEST! I would pull out all my 80s clothing, put on a record and chill…… Honestly i am speechless. It does have the modern look NOW potential though. But i am not into that so i don’t think i would even consider buying this house. mishelle
mishelle’s last blog post..Tricks of the trade.
OMG! My eyes! My eyes! Who could live like that? Even in the 80′s. My suggestion would be to call in Ty and his crew from Extreme Makeover: Home Edition and just bulldoze the entire thing. Scary!
Mom in High Heels’s last blog post..Happy Mardi Gras!
Where in the world did you find this house!? It is so “cool!”
I wouldn’t buy it and I wouldn’t do a thing to it! It should be placed in a museum somewhere! Too funny! Wonder what people will think of the styles today in 20+ years? This is a classic!
Great post!
Kathi’s last blog post.."Window" Shopping
Ditto to some of the earlier comments. I say get a wrecking ball and a good builder.
Lizzi’s last blog post..Oh good, cuz I always wanted to live in VENEZUELA!
If just the right person sees this (crazy with money) it will be a dream come true. One man’s trash is another man’s treasure. I guess you have to have lived it to believe it!
I wouldn’t change a thing. This place is a shrine to the 80s! Just add some Brat Pack memorabilia, pipe in some Madonna tunes, and charge a $5 admission fee. You’re good to go!
I can’t believe it’s been untouched all this time. That master bedroom cracks me up!
bungalow_bliss’s last blog post..Dinner is Served!
You guys have had me laughing out loud at all of your comments this morning. Too funny! It really does look like a time capsule from the ’80s, doesn’t it? -Julia
This house was my dream … in 1985! It made me smile to remember how hard I tried to get my college apartment to look just like that!
The bedrooms and bathrooms are just bad because all of that tackiness is BUILT IN! How could the owners not update in the 20 years that style has gone out of fashion?
Since they are selling, I wouldn’t do any major remodeling but I would do the following cosmetic changes:
1) Kitchen- change the knobs on cabinets and paint it a buttery yellow.
2) Living Room- get rid of that horrible chrome fireplace and build some sort of mantle
3) Master BR- rip up carpet, get rid of the stage, remove mirrors and recarpet in a neutral shade
4) Master bathroom- re-paint
5) Other bedroom- take down wallpaper, curved shelves and repaint
or surprise option #6 that would negate all of the above: offer a generous redecorating allowance.
First, have a huge yard sale and sale all the furniture, fixtures, rugs, pretty much anything that can be ripped out and sold. I would then update all the lighting fixtures (track lighting must be replaced) and knobs on the cabinets. Carpet and tile must go. Paint, paint and paint some more. Update the fireplace. And please update the landscaping. I think this house has hope. You would definitely have to keep the modern feel, but I think you could erase away any signs that someone who had a huge drug problem obviously lived here.
Shannon’s last blog post..Big Brother
Replace flooring throughout the house, paint every room, replace cabinets and appliances, tear down trees and brush to make it more open right around the exterior of the house and to give us a yard, and demolish the ‘stage’ in the bedroom!
Loved this post!
One thought: White Elephant
One action: Pass
Denise’s last blog post..The Geek Squad hits Seattle
My EYES! My EYES! They Burn! Ouch!
1. Paint! Try something with a little color in it.
2. Flooring! Kill that carpet. KILL IT!
3. Lighting! The 80′s want their chandelier back.
4. Finish work. KILL that banaster! Burn it!
5. Kitchen. It should be a kitchen not a surgical center.
This style home believe it or not lends it self well to a more mountain theme or lodge look. I have converted a few myself. ( not cheap though )
Derek’s last blog post..House update
Oh this is fun! In that hideous bathroom, out would go the wallpaper and purple carpet. But I’d keep the black and glass block and go with a art deco look. It would be easier to sell. If you look closely at the master bedroom beyond what appears to be a stage bed setup, the walls are actually neutral. So all the stage built-ins would go and I’d replace the knee wall of glass and the black spiral stairs with a wooden rail and wooden stairs, possibly painted white. And paint the rest of the room a more neutral color. Then of course the carpet would go for hardwood or at least a more neutral carpet. In the living area and dining room, the mirrored fireplace surround and wall of mirrors would go along with the black furniture and rug. A vintage or reproduction chandelier would be better and all the track lighting is out. Whew! that’s a lot already!
Wow! I don’t even know what to say. I don’t think I have ever seen a house that looked that hideous. By the time I got to the purple carpeting around the tub and that ridiculous stage in the master bedroom, I was laughing so hard I could barely see the computer screen! I would love to see what the “Designed to Sell” people would say about this house. Too funny!
I, too, would probably just bypass this house — it’s definitely not my style. But if I had to pick five things to start with, I’d probably . . .
1. Replace the flooring in the master bedroom with hardwood (removing the stage as I go)
2. Replace the flooring in the master bath with tile (and get rid of that insane purple carpet)
3. New counters in the kitchen
4. Get rid of the mirrored fireplace
5. Get rid of the flourescent fixture in the kitchen
And then I’d have to keep going, because honestly, this house needs WAY more than 5 things done to it to make it livable!
Sabrina’s last blog post..Florida Dreamin’
Oh MY Heck you guys! This is my husband’s DREAM HOUSE! I can’t wait to show it to him when he gets home tonight!
**I am seriously not kidding. He is completely stuck in the 80′s. I keep trying to drag him out and he keeps clawing his way back in!
connie @ Young and Relentless’s last blog post..Confessions of a Foodaholic
Yikes! I can’t possibly pick only 5! My first move would be to throw out the dining room set. Then I would take out all the lightbulbs so I wouldn’t have to see the rest of the hideousness!
Alexis’s last blog post..More Love for Mark Bittman
Oh Lordie, Julia – I don’t know. I don’t think I could ever bring myself to dish out the $$ for this one, I don’t care where it’s located. Just looking at the pictures overwhelms me! I mean, is this for real?!
Angela’s last blog post..Tassels
Angela–oh, yes, it’s for real. I couldn’t make this up if I tried! This is located in a neighborhood where nothing ever sells for less than $2 million. I have a feeling it’s been on the market for awhile… -J
I have that same chandelier in my entry way. No. seriously. the same one. (its on the list tobe replaced too)
Bobbie’s last blog post..
I just ran out of energy before getting to the chandelier
Bobbie’s last blog post..
I have toured quite a few 80′s style homes in Aspen, CO. They were selling in the $800-$1000 a square foot range. Trust me, some were even more outrageous than this one! The thought that kept running through my mind…”If only these walls could talk!”
Susan Lang @ Designing Your Dream Home’s last blog post..10 Areas of Discussion When Interviewing Architects to Design Your Dream Home
I would try to bring it back to all its contemporary glory…
1. Remove all carpeting and replace with hardwood floors throughout
2. Paint interior white including all beige trim around windows and remove mirrored fireplace surround. Keep the decor neutral.
3. Replace kitchen counter-top with black granite, replace over head light fixture over kitchen Island with a more contemporary fan/light fixture, replace all handles on cabinets
4. Remove all wood around glass banisters and replace with stainless steel
5. Gut and remodel master bedroom and bath
I don’t know what is funnier… the house or all the replies!!!
I started making a mental to-do list but just gave up when I reached that purple carpet in the bathroom!! Was this the vacation home for The Fresh Prince of Belair???
Sadie’s last blog post..55/365
Pack for long term storage, and wait till PoMo comes back.
What surprised me the most about the house wasn’t how it was decorated, but how new the decorating looked for being built in 1983. None of the carpets looked worn and the wallpaper wasn’t falling down. In a time warp sort of way I liked the house, but I will play along and list my five updates.
1. Remove all mirrors in the dinningroom, livingroom, and bedroom
2. Paint the kitchen, dinning room, and livingroom.
3. Replace the light fixture in the dinning room.
4. Replace counter tops in kitchen.
5. Replace any carpeting
Close the door to the bedrooms when people come over so no one would see it.
Blakely’s last blog post..Graduation Dress Update
This is unbelievable. I grew up in the ’80′s and I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have found that appealing even then. The house could probably be redeemed without burning it down, but it would take a lot of work.
1. Remove everything mirrored (fireplace surround, behind master bed, closet doors)
2. Remove all the built-in furniture (in MBR, all the white stuff in the 2nd bedroom, kitchen table)
3. Paint everything in neutral colour.
4. Remove carpeting and replace with hardwood/tile.
5. Change all the glass banisters (I’m not sure to what, but there has to be something better)
The kitchen isn’t too bad, with new cupboard hardware, counter top and lighting I could live with it.
OMG, what is with the stages? Imagine you are the agent trying to sell this property. How are you going to explain that? Looks like that there might have been some “adult” movies taken in that house, don’t ya think?
Stephanie’s last blog post..The Middle Place
1. Plan a giant invitation only party with 80′s band. Invite that ooolest, craziest, artiest, funkiest folks in town.
2. Put Party flyers at funky shops in town. Do a charity drawing for some exclusive invites.
3. Promote the over the top’ness. Get modern design outfits to help it.
4. Don’t change a thing.
5. Be the most talked about house in town.
Terry Kearns’s last blog post..Architecture Tourist watches TV: Sir Kenneth Clark’s Civilisation
Film an 80′s movie.
Film an 80′s documentary.
Start a soap opera based in the 80′s–with this as the set.
Convert it into an 80′s museum.
No, make it an 80′s shrine.
Aubrey’s last blog post..Bedheaded Randomness
Having done this with my 1968 house – although at least we started with better bones –
1) take photos and videos, you’ll need them later for the “before” shots
2) invite your friends to a martini and paint party; paint walls but DO NOT GET TOO PLASTERED
3) remove carpet
4) remove mirrored closets/closet doors/glass block room dividers/anything shiny
5) replace dated lighting fixtures (Sell old ones on ebay. Your trash is a future treasure!)
Then stand back, contemplate your new space that’s full of light and take the “After photos”
Jane @ Beach House’s last blog post..Unnatural Disasters
Stephanie & Mishelle’s comment’s cracked me up…so did so many others!
I’m w/Terry, i would first plan a HUGE 80′s party before doing A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G!!!
1) Buy gallons & gallons of Atrium white…hire painters.
2) Pull out all the wall to wall (and wall to ceiling) carpet…install wood floors.
3) Rip out track lighting, update all fixtures (including kitchen “UFO light”)
4) install a white marble counter top & live with the rest??
5) Pull out the “Stairway to heaven” & stage in the master bedroom.
I’d like to add…there would be a time when I was 12-13 when I would have thought this house was AMAZING. There were a lot of them in Oyster Bay, NY & out East in the Hamptons. We always had very traditional homes. These seemed so exotic & cool to me. I can’t believe I just admitted that….
Melissa’s last blog post..Wedding Wednesday, Gowns
LOL Aubrey!! Can I work there? I can work some serious curling iron/hairspray magic with my bangs.
Melissa’s last blog post..Wedding Wednesday, Gowns
Hi Julia, thanks for posting these pictures. I do remember the 80s and they did decorate like that. I agree with Robin, this house can be saved, I could live with the dinning room and kitchen for awhile , while all the other rooms are being redone. Also if you get a real good price on the house, that’s even better. The first thing I’d do is get on the phone and order a BIG DUMPSTER , and that would be filled pretty fast. I’d love to see before pictures and after pictures of the home. Who ever buys this home, good luck to them.
Oh, man. Whew. I am totally ROTFL. This is awesomely 80s. I think Michael’s plan is the best one so far. If pressed not to torch this fug-fest, however, I’d say:
1) Move that massive garage — you can’t see the house at all!
2) Update all light fixtures — esp. in the kitchen! What *is* that thing?
3) Remove all built ins & carpet – replace w/bamboo or tile in appropriate places.
(Who in the world puts carpet in the *bathroom*?)
4) Paint, paint, paint — those walls are horrid.
5) Re-orient the living spaces to maximize daylighting and solar gain — this sucker must cost an arm and a leg to run!
Woah! This is an unbelievable time warp – it might make a fun museum as is in a few years. I guess if I was forced to make this purchase I would take out the 80′s tacky and add 80′s country decor?! Something along the lines of the 80′s doll house “Smaller Homes and Gardens”.
1.) Remove all excess mirror
2.) Remove all carpet/replace with heart pine
3.) Remove black lacquer accents
4.) Repaint
5.) Add country landscape ala Sunset Magazine circa 1983
Thanks for sharing, this was fun!
Christy’s last blog post..My Sweet Childhood Days…
These responses are hilarious! This house is like a train wreck…I keep coming back for another look. Each time I do, I find another detail that I missed before. I can just picture some Tom-Jones-ish fella reclined in the bedroom, lights down (except for those behind the glass-block platform support) and Whitesnake playing on the stereo. Bleh!
bungalow_bliss’s last blog post..Dinner is Served!
0. Lose all the furniture if it isn’t gone already.
1. Gut the master bedroom. I’ve finally seen a room that’s too ugly to sleep in.
2. Find a way to put a door into the master bedroom at floor level and do whatever else is necessary to get rid of the spiral staircase.
3. Tear out the tub surround in the master bathroom.
4. Tear out the black and white tiles at the top of the shower.
5. Strip the wallpaper in the second bedroom.
Everything else could wait.
Oh my. I didn’t realize that was the BED–I thought it was a rec room and they really liked ’80s karaoke. Oh dear.I think the best bet would be to try to sell it to a TV company for a new reality show in which the contestants are forced to live in this thing as is.
Julia, I am shocked! I keep going from thinking seriously about what I would do to TOTAL SHOCK. I can’t believe there is 7,000 sq ft of that! I would love to hear what the realtors are saying as they walk people through… and see the faces… soooo funny!
First pic was fixable. Then I hit the master and said HOLY #$@%. Out loud!
1. Install stripper poles in the master bedroom
2. Invite all your fab friends to the best bump and grind party(don’t forget your leg warmers and one shoulder baring sweatshirts)
3. Party like it is 1989
4. Call your architect
5. Prepare for a full gut job
Just give it to Jeff/Flipping Out & let him gut it.
Some of the replys have me in stitches. But, this one is a hoot.
1. Glue the master bedroom suite door shut. There’s no saving it.
Okay I would change:
The flooring to wood/tile.
Paint the rooms
Gut the kitchen and bathroom
New lighting
Paint outside until you can do some demo.
SoBella Creations’s last blog post..Springtime
LOL! Just looking at the outside of the house I knew I would never even step into it. Then I thought that’s not TOO bad, until I saw the Master Bedroom! The stage had me LOL!
I am not nearly creative enough to think of any ways to fix that house.
1. bulldoze
I literally can’t think of ways to save/update this one!
Emily B’s last blog post..so.very.angry.
just from the look of the siding and the clue of exclusive neighborhood, I think I know where this house is (my childhood was spent riding along on my parents Sunday afternoon house hunts), but I would have never guessed there was a glass block stage in the master bedroom!
Andi – udandi’s last blog post..Measuring Equivalents Fridge Magnet
W..o..W. I think all that could be said on the house has been said. I really feel the most sorry for the realtor. She/He has to keep a straight face when showing that Master Bath!
Okay, in the spirit of the game:
1) Master Bedroom would have to be redone FIRST. I’d have to plug in that stage one time, for ol’ times sake, then take that firewood to the backyard and burn it.
2) Paint, Paint, PAINT! Every wall surface in that house would need some warm colors. That space needs a breath of fresh air. In fact, I’ll bet it smells like when they unearth a tomb in Egypt — dank, stale air. Open up those windows, people! Let it BREATHE with color!
3) The kitchen would probably be next. Change the layout if you want, slap some really great granite in there, and change out the fixtures. See #2: it’s already painted…!
4) All bathrooms should be done together. Wow… what a project! And that purple carpet! I’d probably keep a sample just to prove to future friends “it really was that bad!”
5) I’d probably paint the exterior next. It needs some serious curb appeal help, so throw in a good landscape architect, and you have the FIRST FIVE THINGS I’D DO TO CINDI LAUPER’S HOUSE!!
Now, this was FUN!!
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What I find absolutely scary is that there is/was a designer out there who actually did this–I don’t care if it was the ’80s…I worked for architects and designers then and believe me, I never saw anything like this come off their drawing boards (this was back in the days of blueprints and drawing boards, pre-cad, computer, etc.)
I like many, if not all of the suggestions. I must say that my first ideas was to use a match, but I probably would sell it as a tear down if the property can command that price.
If that is not an option, then I would look to do things on a budget and that usually means not major overhauling as seller is selling not remodeling for him/herself.
–carpet and platforms are out, wood and maybe slate/earthen tile in…
–yes, paint…but soften the harsh white to very pale pigments and neutrals but NOT BEIGE
–lighting fixtures out, track lighting along the lines of trapeze in kitchen, maybe in LR
–baths with beadboard would be excellent and soften … would a few tropical greens and flowers hurt?
–kitchen I would remove dining island and change hardware and center island lighting fixture. I would turn the sliding door area into a “homey” area with sofa and breakfast table, as well as a “desk” for a computer or a TV…If money was no object, I would change cabinet and appliance formica and countertops to more contemporary materials.
–If I still had $10,000 in my budget, I would paint the exterior, and I would probably choose some contrasting colors and not make it monochromatic or grey/beige.
–LAST, I would hire a stager and bring in area rugs and furniture that is appealing to the eye.
All this I would do because even if you are totally an 80s retro freak, this would still not be appealing as this is not the 80s at its best.
Have fun!
PS Music and baked bread after all the renovations would make it sound and look nice as well..
Well, as soon as I fixed my leg warmers and side ponytail from making out with Kirk Cameron, I would gut the place, paint the inside and out, and start from scratch. I see glimpses of potential but all the built ins and 80′s remains have to go!
Is it so bad that at first I thought, how CUTE – a stage for kids to play on!! I didn’t realize at first it was a Master bedroom! YIKES!
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i would remove all carpet and other types of flooring, and replace with laminate flooring. i would stip the walls of wallpaper and repaint. the fireplace i would redue and put stone all the way to the ceiling and redue the bottom part with little ledges leading up to the fireplace. i would take all the lighting out of the ceiling in the living room and only have a ceiling fan or two up there without lights on them. the master bedroom is already like a sex machine room i would try to play it up with a sexy black and red theam
I say KEEP the mirrors – get rid of the FURNITURE! That is almost the worst part!
I would paint the whole space white.
Replace all carpet with tile (bathrooms)/hardwoods (living areas)/neutral carpet (in bedrooms)
I would do the following to the exterior: paint it white, paint trim and garage doors white and do a metal roof – that whole look is instantly 2009.
Remove all built-ins.
This house is SO a keeper – you just have to look past the craziness! I think the more mono-chromatic and minimalist the approach is, the less 80s it will look.
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This house is cracking me up… so 80′s!!!!!!!!!! Love it:)
We’d keep it just the way it was……and charge admission!
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Oh. My. Word. I wouldn’t know where to begin. What’s with all the mirrors? Especially the huge plate glass one right next to the bathtub. Come on, does anybody really need, or want , to watch themselves bathe? The stage, the mirrors…it kinda makes me think it was some kind of playboy mansion. Or a bordello.
As far as redoing it, you’d pretty much have to go contemporary with this. The house itself, while not my style, isn’t too bad. Just the Barry Gibb-ish decor has to go.
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OH DEAR LORD Julia! LoL I am pretty sure my eyesight changed after looking at that house! Okay so whats my budget? Lol~I used to own a mortgage company so I think that way. New flooring, Remove all wall coverings and paint,New cabinets and appliances, up date the kitchen and baths.(kitchen and baths are what sell a house after all)Get rid of anything retro including lighting! I could turn that funky box into a dream home-it could happen! ~Tam
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Oh, my! Where to start…okay, got it: 1.) Find the front door, get it accented. Can the outside entry be widened? (I really like front porches) 2.) Kick the track lighting to the curb 3.) Those spiral staircases look great in old movies but they’re not easy to manipulate in real life. “Real” stairs would have to be installed 4.) Give that master BR some privacy from those stairs 5.) Put the person who designed all the bedrooms into drug rehab
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WOW, that’s just WOW.
1) New up-to-style flooring. EVERYwhere.
2) No more staged bedding in the master bedroom. Dear heavens.
3) Master bathroom – purples carpeted surround? HUH? And that wallpaper, I’m dizzy.
4) New countertops.
5) 2 shades lighter color on the siding (even if they could just paint it that would be helpful) for more curb appeal. And trim those bushes – put something colorful at the entrance so it doesn’t look so drab.
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Oh sorry, new flooring EVERYwhere that it’s not hardwood or tile already (I just noticed the kitchen and dining have hardwood).
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MAN! that’s something else.
All the track lighting needs to go, replace with pucks or recessed.
All the chrome/mirror stuff needs to go.
Just rip out the bathroom and remodel with almost ANYTHING.
All the furniture must be replaced with warmer tones.
The master bedroom…well, if it’s on the walls or the floor rip it out. Leave the circular stair. Replace with a sage and very light yellow/cream color scheme.
Boy, is this ever an abject less to avoid overly hip decor.
Otherwise, I rather like the house. I’m not lovin’ the siding, but I had it on the house I grew up in. I’m not sure how to change it. It’s sort of part of the architecture. I would prune back some of the trees and open the landscaping up a bit. Seems a bit crowded but that’s weekend yard work.
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I thought it was kind of a cool house. I could see it morphing into something nice and modern. I guess I really am an 80′s freak! ha.
1. Change out all light fixtures. Everything was so outdated and did not work AT ALL.
2. Bring in some updated furniture. Just getting rid of all the furniture would make a huge difference.
3. Remodel Master Bath …. OMG! That purple carpet is hilarious!
4. Remodel Master bedroom
5. New cabinets and counter tops in the kitchen
Outside I would have to paint the house, rip out all the landscaping, and change the garage doors to be a dark natural wood.
My first thought was, Oh. My. God. But then I thought, “Hmmm, you could do one of two things”. One, take a wrecking ball to it and start over OR make it into a tourist attraction.
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I have to agree with Amy. I totally see the potential. The finishes are awful, but fixable. I think the house has a nice presence in and of itself. Big, but could be really comfortable.
It’s hard to believe, but some people do hire a designer and then consider it “done” forever.
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After posting a comment yesterday, I came back for a second look. I can’t believe there is no mirror on the ceiling in the master bedroom! And where or where is the disco ball?
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First I would see if the decorator that did this house is related in any way to the decorator that did the house with the big green bathroom with the shag carpeting….If not related they atleast went to the same design school….where the “Dean of Design” was Stevie Wonder….Then I would pass and ask the realtor to show me what else she had…..
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OK, I was a young-married in the 80s, and even in the 80s, this house was a horror. What were they thinking? There are no words. Just. No. Words. Except amazing. … Cass (who is going to have nightmares tonight!)
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1-Get rid of the mirror around the fireplace
2-Tear out the entire master bedroom, start over
3-Paint every room
4-Carpet in the bathroom? Tile it all with Travertine
5-All the chandeliers have to go.
I want 5 more please. At the very least!!
Kitchen table, countertops, glass under railings, lack of color, dated furniture. I could go on.
I wouldn’t change a thing. Love it!
1. Stain the floors and countertops a dark honey in the kitchen.
2. Remove the pod table in the kitchen and put a ranchouse table in.
3. Replace all flooring with plank hardwood – cherry.
4. Toss all the furniture and replace it with something warmer and organic.
5. Fill it with fresh flowers, then live with it a year before deciding on anything else.
I’m all about throwing a huge 80s party here. I have my can of Aqua Net ready.
I would, just for grins, have some bacteria testing done on that purple carpet in the bathroom. Just to see what is living in this otherwise vacant house.
That mural in the bathroom looks like the work of a decorative painter who ALMOST got the Cheesecake Factory painting job.
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Hi Julia
My head hurts from that time travel episode I just had LOL
Aside from burning it down to the ground I would work with what was there. If you look closely, you could make this house totally 50/60s retro. The only rooms that would need to be gutted are the master bedroom and bath. The rest of it just needs a few tweaks to take it to that era. Oh and then I would sell it quickly LOL
rue
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Holy mother of baby hayzoos. I’m not sure I could limit to just five things!! Maybe if I did it in broad strokes, like:
1. Rip out all of the carpets (including carpeted furniture.
2. Remove all overhead light fixtures.
3. Sell/burn all furniture.
4. Remove all — ALL — interior glass (blocks, walls, built-ins, mirrors, etc.)
5. Place home on market.
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I LOVE IT. I wouldn’t change ANYTHING architecturally. Just update the furniture and then perhaps the wallpaper in the bathroom and the platform bed and mirrors. Otherwise, I LOVE it, love track lighting, the kitchen is awesome and perfectly easy to work with it’s white for pete’s sake. The slate floor is gorgeous, finally something unique (or actually vintage with taste) Frankly, I am SOOOO tired of all this cookie cutter CRAP in beige, moss green or pale yellow interior with BORING tile that all looks the same. I wish more people had some adventure like this. the exterior is wonderful. I grew up in a house like this as well.
Ok, I’m replying after only looking at 2 or 3 posts. I hate to be unduly influenced. I’m also keeping most of the things small and manageable.
1. Rip out & replace that light box in the kitchen.
2. Take out that G-d awful platform & replace carpet in master bedroom.
3. Take off the window treatment in the master bedroom.
4. Replace carpeting & wallpaper in master bath. Although, I’m not sure I’d go the tile route to replace the carpeting on the ledge thing.
5. Take out the metal doors or backing by the bed, which they obviously thought was very “industrial.”
Admission: I haven’t read all the previous post, so forgive my if I repeat others’ comments:
Out-dated decor aside, the house and furnishings look to be in really good shape…especially considering they are probably two and a half decades old. Plus the place looks clean.
Move out the furniture, add some color to the living/dining/kitchen walls; neutralize the bedroom walls and floors, and eliminate the shiny silver things which aren’t bathroom mirrors.
For $850K, they oughtta be motivated to spend a couple grand on these minor cosmetic updates!
I’d start with changes to the landscape – to give it a Greek/Mediterranean feel – plant olive trees, etc.
2) Install unique sculptured art in various primary colors
3) or add touches of one single primary color – royal blue or red – pot, garden sculpture, etc.
4) Rip off siding; replace with stucco – painted white
5) Hide the basketball goal
You people are being too nice.
How do you live in the same world as the rest of us and not see that after 20+ years your home is horribly outdated. The owners must have never left the house or turned on a TV. I wonder were the DeLorean is parked. Massive amounts of cocaine had to have been consumed there. Well, here’s my suggestions:
1. Like said previously turn it into a shrine to all things 80s. The carpet and fixtures are in GREAT condition.
2. Film an episode of Miami Vice there and neglect to tell the viewers it was made in 2009, although I suspect the gig will be up when a slightly out-of-shape Don Johnson and Phillip Micheal Thomas make their appearence.
3. Knock your friend out, place him/her in this house, pay actors to pretend they are really in 1985 when your friend wakes up. Said friend will think he/she have traveled back in time. Film and sell on the internet. Profit.
4. Nuke it from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.
There is no #5 because quite frankly I’ve run out of snark and beer is calling. My personal choice would be #4 as there is no redeeming qualities whatsoever to this house. Also it would take the combined efforts of every designer on HGTV and the GDP of Costa Rica to drag this house kicking and screaming into the 90s, nevermind the 21st century.
Wow, I did have some snark left.
Wow… I didn’t think the fashions in the 80′s were that hideous! OMG that purple carpet in the bathroom and all that black in the “disco”! The lilac carpet has to go too. Also, I don’t like the shape of the table or island bench in the kitchen… that jelly bean shape! I like Boogerwolf’s ideas!!
NOTHING, that’s what I’d change. The 80′s are on the way back. As a preservationist and child of the 80′s I can say that one day we’ll be restoring houses back to there glorious 80′s excess and decorating them with pompas grass and dot matrix printers.
I know this is an older post but I agree with the last guy. I would seriously hope you didn’t buy this place and try to “convert” it into some nautical Nantucket shingled thing. At the same time, it shouldn’t have to look as dated as it does.
1. Remove carpeting and replace with either a very dark stained wood or almost natural light wood.
2. Replace the kitchen cabinet handles and countertops…unless the cabinet faces are some sort of plastic, in which case replace those too. Tile with white carerra marble.
3. Get rid of the built-ins and straighten out the step up in the master bed…although if it going to be a ton of work anyway, you may choose to just get rid of the step altogether. It seems that these built-ins are made of less expensive materials, so I wouldn’t bother leaving them.
4. Refacade and change the color of the outside. I like the aforementioned idea of raw concrete, but at that point you may as well build a new house. At the very lease, get rid of the paneling and change the paint color.
5. The most drastic change is definitely going to be that bathroom. The “easiest” change, as far as sticking with the bones it has, would be to take an ode to Phillip Starck and tile it in white carerra marble top to bottom, but if you are spending that much you may as well change the layout a little too.
However, if you did buy it, I sincerely hope that you kept all the mirrored and chromed (not faux chromed) pieces, and certainly that chandelier in the dining room. They are fabulous pieces that have survived the era, and at least where I live would be worth a lot of money. And as far as that 2nd bedroom goes, I would live with it a little before changing it. The wallpaper and mirrored cabinet are fabulous.
It looks like a fun project! the first thing would be paint, nice normal neutral colors. Get rid of the carpet, master bath, & bedroom, either replace it with a nice hardwood or even a neutral carpet would be better than what is in there. The carpet around the tub replace with a nice tile along with around the fire place. Darken the kitchen cabinets for a contrast to the floor and again put some color ont he walls it looks too sterile in there. In the other bedroom I could work with the mauve/lavender carpet if it was in good shape but I would, either take the wall paper down if it is wall paper or paint? I would paint the walls an eggplant and spry the closet doors with a frosted paint to mimic the bookcase? Everything else in there is workable and would be a very cute childs room. The dining room, I would change out the light fixtures and update the furniture. Again it would be a very cool project to take on!
i love this master bedroom!love love love it
Cue the theme to Miami Vice…Yikes! They took every trend of the day and slapped into one home. I hope the family that lived there liked it. The light streaming in through the windows is fabulous though. If the structural integrity is in tact, all other things can be changed with time and money. Obviously, this place was priced by location because, baby, the decoration is shocking! Only 5 things? You mean to begin with…right? Tomorrow another 5, then another 5. If my honey bought me that house I would probably start in the kitchen and work out from there. It’s the heart of the home and all changes (for us at least) radiate out from there. My husband’s quick solution is to 1) demolish 2) rebuild. He didn’t want to play the game.
It’s just a personal thing but this house is horrible from beginning to end. I just gutting it and starting over comprise more than 5 things?
If so, here are my 5 most “gag me with a spoon” things.
1. Replace every inch of floor with wood (except the bathrooms, change that to tile).
2. Pick a wall color a little less stark (institutional white is a little off putting).
3. Refront the kitchen cabinets with wood to compliment the floors.
4. The “Austin Powers” bedroom would have to be razed. Take out all the “shagalicious” carpet, get rid of the stage and everything on it, dump the spiral staircase to no-where, then when the room is completely bare just do whatever because anything would be preferable to what it looks like now.
5. Unless the bathroom belongs to the children’s wing replace it with something that wouldn’t make one dizzy.
** Just lump the Liberace bedroom in with the Austin Powers tribute and start them both from scratch.**
.-= Laura Wilson´s last blog ..How Would You Update This Center-Hall Colonial? =-.
It can be fixed nothing is impossible, it’s just gonna take some time and talent
No. 1 – WALLS.
No. 2 – FLOOR.
No. 3 – Furniture.
No. 4- Cabinetry
No. 5 -Appliances
In Australia, this style of home was very prevelant in the middle to upper class suburbs. I have renovated several of these types of homes and stripped back to the bare bones, these homes can be made to look incredibly hip.
The 5 things I would do after stripping all of the 80′s out:
1. Paint it White
2. Lay a floating timber floor throughout the whole house
3.Redo all the bathrooms in Indian Slate or a textured Charcoal Tile
4. Replace all light fixtures with recessed Halogen Spotlights
5. Replace the kitchen with all white 2 PAC cabinetry and Carrara Marble Bench tops.
P.S. I actually love the way it looks as it is and if you could live with it, it would be a great Time Capsule to keep.
luxury modern 80s house- just show its best to build a traditional house not whats in current trends.
Most people could not afford it, let alone renovate it. Seem to have nice block and garden.
The main problem is not the inside that can be change step by step. The rooms are large the massive kitchen is still ok and would be last on the list as it would be very expensive to change. Its easy to throw out the 80s rubbish from the bedrooms.
The outside is the worry . that back pic of the house looks like a large wood cubby house. Its not a solid brick house it looks like big barn.
With reagards to houses in australia- are very poor quailty. slab concrete floor, pine sticks and brick cladding
Just stumbled across this older post. This is HILARIOUS. I think it should be preserved as a “museum of 1980′s decorating” or something…lol!
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Umm… I’m guessing the best bet is to keep it like it is and rent it out for bad porn movies?
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aye dis house go hard!!!!!!
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How could I have missed this blog! Its incredible. Your design is flawless and the ideas were precise, like you know exactly what to do to do make people flock to your page! I also like the perspective you brought to this subject. Its like you have an insight that most people havent seen before. Brilliant!
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