Fake Family Fotos: “Say Cheese!”
Today we went to get our family photos taken for the church directory. You know the kind. I won’t name the big-time photography studio that does these, but I’m sure you’ve all experienced them and their fuzzy-blue backgrounds.
For our sitting we had crushed pink velvet instead of fuzzy blue. Very cutting edge.
I don’t want to offend anyone, because you are entitled to like what you like, and I have plenty of friends who line their hallways with them, but I’ve just never liked these kinds of staged family portraits. They seem fake to me.
I have never even taken my kids to get them done. I know, I know. I may get my “Mom Card” revoked for this.
I just prefer candids taken at home or at special moments in our lives (like these). Professional portraits don’t have any sentimental value for me and always end up shoved in a drawer somewhere.
Tonight as they showed us our photos on the computer screen after our session, I couldn’t stop laughing. Who WERE these people? Did I know these dorks?
The photographer had posed Dave and me next to each other on the floor, trying to look all lovey-dovey. We looked ridiculous. “Let’s have a snuggle in front of the crushed velvet background, Baby.”
The salesperson kept telling us we should get two large oval canvases of our lovey-dovey pose to put in our kids’ rooms. Are you kidding me?! I looked at her to make sure she wasn’t joking. She wasn’t. “Your children would love it!” Yeah. I don’t think so.
Just think how much we’d have to save to pay for their future therapy!
Then she started selling us on “photo collages,” where you choose three or four photos and put them in a big frame together. To top them off, you could have a Bible verse printed at the bottom.
No again.
I don’t like those big frames that hold more than one photo. Again, I know some people do, they really do, but there was no way I’d be hanging a giant frame full of goofy staged photos of my family. They were huge, too–”Perfect for hanging over your fireplace!” (You would’ve been proud of me. I bit my tongue–just smiled and nodded.)
(This is a perfectly lovely family. But what’s with the Lost in Space background? It’s way scarier than our pink velvet.)
I told the salesperson flat-out that I just wanted my complimentary 8 x 10 that came with the sitting and a few 5 x 7’s for the grandparents. That’s it. No frames. No retouching to make us look younger/prettier/perfecter. No special finish on the pictures to make them look like oil paintings (as if). Just a few to stick in a box to remember our day in the church basement-turned-photography studio.
It took her half an hour to run the numbers on her calculator. Then, the total: “That’ll be $380.”
I was speechless.
Then I started laughing uncontrollably again.
I guess I can imagine that if the photographs had been taken outside and were kind of artistic in some way, they would’ve been worth $400. But not these.
I ended up buying a dozen wallets and a few 5 x 7s for the grandparents for about $150. Still more than I wanted to spend on pictures that’ll end up in a drawer somewhere!
The best thing I can say about the experience was that at least they didn’t stick us in a brandy glass.
What about you? Are you someone who loves the professional studio portraits? Do you take your family to get their pictures taken once a year? Do you like decorating with family portraits or do you stick with candid shots like I do? Feel free to disagree with me. Plenty of people do.
UPDATE: Check out my Fake Family Foto Contest, in which readers sent in their best (er, worst) fake fotos, humiliating themselves in hopes of winning a prize.
If You’re Hooked on Decorating That’s So Bad It’s Good:
- 10 Scary Ways to Decorate Your Home (If You Dare)
- The Purple Angel House
- Do Dressed-Up Toilets Sell Houses?
To see more bad family portraits, go here and here.
September 16th, 2008 at 10:16 pm
Julia, Julia, Julia… I am speechless. This is not what I expected. You crack me up! What is it about their cameras and backgrouds and lighting that make normal look like, as you so accurately put it, dorks???? Oh, man, but what can you do? You gotta be in the church directory! Or you could be that one family who submits their own photo.
I’ve had my photo taken in a brandy glass. Will you still be my friend? In my defense, the photographer did it without my knowledge. But who do I blame for owning a copy? Oh the horrors.
Did I say I was speechless? Whatever.
September 16th, 2008 at 10:22 pm
Apparently, I wasn’t finished…
We splurge once a year on an amazing photographer who takes photos of the family that make me cry. The rest of the time we pop into Penneys for $3.99 sheets. They always try to sneak in some props and junk after I have kindly asked for a simple white background. AFterward they want to put all these borders and crap on the photos and collages and stuff. Ick.
Love LOTD, btw.
September 16th, 2008 at 10:32 pm
we actually know the vagina/clown car family from the first “here”–were so surprised to see that one. love the captions though–perfect!!
we have gone with outdoor photos this year as its near impossible to get everyone looking the same way/smiling. the photographer is really reasonable and we had fun!!
September 16th, 2008 at 10:47 pm
Because you asked…and you don’t even have to pay me a dime.
http://thepaintedhouse.blogspot.com/2008/05/happy-birthday-randee-allison.html
Shy, really???
September 16th, 2008 at 11:27 pm
I say go for the candids!
The family portrait studios always make your older sister (the hussie with the big bazooms and too much make up) look like a nun. Then, they slick your brother’s mohawk and air brush his tatoos and nose ring, but leave your braces, freckles, pimple on your nose, and 1″ bangs (cut by your mother at the last minute)!
I definitely vote for the non-staged phots. If I’m gonna look like a dork, so is the rest of the family!
September 17th, 2008 at 12:01 am
The first set of pictures is from my church–Magnolia Lutheran!
September 17th, 2008 at 12:46 am
OMG, what a hilarious post! You’re so right. Who really needs a honkin’ 11×14 craptastic family photo hangin’ over their fireplace? LOL
September 17th, 2008 at 1:04 am
I’m with you. I hate these forced photos. I feel they never represent the people…I started working for a large school photography company in my early years and never understood it. I never fit in. I didn’t want the kids to pose the way we were trained to have them sit or stand depending on the backdrop…you know the fake brick wall, the plastic ivy…yuck!
September 17th, 2008 at 4:56 am
My parents had pictures taken of all us through the years, just like the ones you showed. We pull them out over the holidays and laugh til we almost wet our pants–they are good for something, anyway.
September 17th, 2008 at 5:26 am
I knew you were going to talk about church directory photos, when I saw that grouping at the top.
The last time we had a “family” portrait done, was at picture people. It was for my late mother’s 80th birthday, 6 years ago. Now very outdated, because we’ve added a son in law and three grandkids to the mix, since then. It’s a cute picture, but still posed. The photos I have here and there around the house, of our g’kids, are candid snapshots. I love these best.
After sending granddaugher Xanti off to photography school, at no small expense, in Montana, this summer, we learned her foot in the door job, at age 18, will be in the historic area. She will be doing sort of candid shots in and around the historic district. Not exactly posed in the studio, type of thing. It’s a way for her to get some experience. She’s a gifted photographer. I hope I can do a post about her sometime soon. Working in a studio taking photos, like you used as examples, is not what we had in mind, for her, when we paid her tuition! She’s done studio work as a part time job while still in high school, but our dream for her is much more than that. I believe her dream is much more than that, also.
We appreciate our church directory. Especially with the parish growing so quickly, in the last few years. But….I’m not real sure where I put the last directory photo we had done. It’s not hanging on any walls or sitting on any tables, though. It sure doesn’t look like us, that’s for sure!
September 17th, 2008 at 5:35 am
Fer sure…how many times did I say sure in that last paragraph! That will teach me to write comments before daylight!!!
September 17th, 2008 at 5:55 am
You all have to check out that link Angela gave us (in the comments above). Hysterical. I should’ve used her pics!
Susan–seriously?! That’s a page from your church directory? I had no idea what church it came from. I found it when I Googled “church directories.”
I wish I could find some of my family’s old Olan Mills portraits, with the backgrounds made to look like we were on a plantation down South somewhere (even tho we lived in Ohio). Of course, my mother may not appreciate having those shared with the world… -Julia
September 17th, 2008 at 6:44 am
I have one of all of us that is probably 17-18 years old and at least your husband, brother, and dad don’t have on leisure suits, those are the worst! Not sure if I could get you a copy, it’s framed and hanging on my home office wall! See if you can find your Grandmother’s church directory, the one of her is terrific. (No smile of course). Love you, Aunt Toni
September 17th, 2008 at 6:47 am
Don’t dig the posed pictures although I will admit that one of the main things I wanted for my wedding was a portrait setting (which I’m told is a “southern” thing). Thank goodness the pics came out gorgeous, and I will never regret dishing out the $$$ for them!
September 17th, 2008 at 7:21 am
I got an email about this a few months ago. I couldn’t stop laughing at all the pictures. The couple in the brandy glass was one of them.
Anyhooo….I am guilty of those stupid staged photos at JC Penny or Sears. My mother in law always wanted a family photo and we obliged. I FINALLY managed to talk them into all of us wearing black for the photo so we see our faces and not the hideous outfit we picked out that day. Turns out that was their favorite photo of us EVER. ha! At these places, I usually end up “posing” us… I hate the chin in the hand shot, etc. Anyway…. please tell me you didn’t REALLY pay $380 for your pictures!!
September 17th, 2008 at 7:25 am
did you pay the $380?????
i couldn’t have made myself do it. for that price (or maybe a bit more), you could’ve gotten a good photographer to take lovely pictures.
September 17th, 2008 at 7:26 am
Oh, no, we didn’t pay the $380. We whittled it down to some wallets of the kids and a couple of 5 x 7s for the grandparents, but it was still $150. Crazy!
Toni, I’ll have to ransack Grandma’s apartment and see if I can find the old photos. That would be too funny. -Julia
September 17th, 2008 at 7:27 am
First of all, I love the photos you put in your post! We do have family pictures taken from time to time, but I always find a small studio that will take more candid shots - they’re usually more expensive that that national chain you’re talking about, but they’re worth it. I never display the pictures in our house! We can look at each other any time we want. I hate the cheesy photos in brandy glasses, buckets, etc.
September 17th, 2008 at 7:41 am
I have one ‘professional’ picture that I love and it’s only
because of the people in it, other then that I look at the
pro pics and they aren’t super fun. Hence the reason,
we don’t ever do them. Our family photo is taken by
us at our family Christmas party we have every year,
and it’s just as good if not better than a pro pic. Something
I love doing is buying a disposable camera and taking
pictures with that. They always turn out funny, but
they are original and they make me smile.
September 17th, 2008 at 7:59 am
Oh, I would have loved the one of my family in the brandy glass. Could i add my own bible verse to a BRANDY galss??
lol.
September 17th, 2008 at 8:03 am
I have a lot of these from childhood - NO ONE looks good in any of these photographs of course! They’re also outrageously expensive. I think Mr. Allan Mills has an expensive coke habit or something to support!
September 17th, 2008 at 8:26 am
LOL - you are cracking me up. I couldn’t agree more! When I was about 21, my family posed for their Olan Mills church directory picture. But of course, we couldn’t stand the cheesiness either. So we made it even more cheesy by posing with sunglasses and very serious looks on our faces, like FBI agents or something. Every other mediocre photo we ever had taken has long since faded from memory, but that one lives on! We were like celebrities at church. I could tell that on the one hand, people couldn’t believe we’d done that, but on the other hand, they were secretly jealous that we bucked the system.
September 17th, 2008 at 8:51 am
Oh, I want the wine glass photo!!! ha! ha! Our church had themed backgrounds… one was snowing, one was a christmas tree and presents, the last was a fire place. Oh so beautiful. We picked the snowing one, then I cropped it so much you couldn’t see the background at all! But it was still awful.
As for decorating with photos, I have black and white shots going up my stair case, then a few frames on tables in my family room. Other than that, I keep photos in the bedrooms and hallways. I do have friends who have family photos all over their house, walls, tables and even in the kitchen. It’s a little overkill to me. Less is best.
I have given up going to photo studios for my kids to “pose”. I think I get better candid shots at home and it’s free! I’m lucky to know some great photographers. We try to get one of the entire family each year. I always make it black and white, seems more artistic to me for home decor.
September 17th, 2008 at 8:52 am
Hi, Julia, I was cracking up with each & every pic that I passed on this one. Those are hilarious! I think I’ve seen a couple of them floating around out there somewhere. I know…do people really pose like this anymore. Can you say 70’s?! It’s been ages since I sat for an Olan Mills portrait with my mom, sister & niece. I don’t think I’d ever do it again. They really do look rather stupid after a few years. I’m with you, I much prefer the unposed kind of pics these days & those are the ones that I have sitting around my house. Love your family wall of pics (I missed that one) & what a great deal on the frames.
Congrats on all your blog traffic! You have done a great job with getting your blog noticed in such a short time. That’s a lotta traffic. I’m only 1/2 way to that # after a year and 1/2 myself. Your blog is very fun and that’s why you have so many fans!
Glad you are getting back to normal after the storm. It really amazes me how much destruction that Ike left SO far from TX!
September 17th, 2008 at 9:05 am
I love how it always seems that the photog catches atleast 1 person with the funniest look on their face. Too funny. I prefer candids, but have to admit I’m a huge fan of those yearly school pics…the kids are just too cute in them, and it’s a quick snap shot of what a difference a year makes.
September 17th, 2008 at 9:20 am
That is so funny Julia. When we first got married and combined our families Bob insisted we get a “portrait” done. I couldn’t imagine why we would want to sit and look at a picture of ourselves on our wall. We know what we look like for heavens sakes. But we had it done and must have bought a couple for the grandparents and maybe one for ourselves, but I have no idea what ever happened to ours. I must have banished it from my house and my mind…gone! It wasn’t too bad and no, we weren’t in a brandy glass!
Janet
September 17th, 2008 at 9:55 am
Has anyone mentioned the Glamour Shots? Oh, man, how heinous is the poufy hair, the makeup, and the flip of the wrists holding up the up-turned collar? Thankfully I have never had those taken but, oh, I have copies of friends and family that I could use for excellent blackmail!
September 17th, 2008 at 10:11 am
Oh, now THAT would be a fun post to write about! I hadn’t thought about Glamour Shots in a few years. Are they still around? -Julia
September 17th, 2008 at 10:31 am
Funny!!!! I like the natural family photos snapped when not so ‘perfect”. Sprinkled around the house in small doses are best for me!
September 17th, 2008 at 10:36 am
…i just thought i hated the ivy…these things i really really hate..i am like you ..who in this world are those people?…
September 17th, 2008 at 10:45 am
Only candids for us… although the kids’ school photos actually came out pretty good this year!
September 17th, 2008 at 11:15 am
Did you say it cost over $300 for a few 5×7’s?! That’s outrageous. I wouldn’t pay that much for something I’m not even going to hang (because of pink crushed velvet!) I like the pictures we take on our own…point and shoot self portraits.
September 17th, 2008 at 11:46 am
Julia, if you’re a bad mom, I am too. I have some posed portraits from when the kids were babies, but since then the only posed portraits I have of my kids are the school pictures. I know families who go several times a year for posed family photos - in matching attire. Ick. I’d share the link to one specific family’s blog, but then they might find out I did it and it would be totally awkward and I don’t want to deal with that right now…
That said, I’m all about the candids. I have them tucked in places all around the house - sometimes not even in frames - like slid into the front of the kitchen cabinets.
But in this day and age, even if I wanted my 5-year-old’s head floating in a brandy glass, I could do it myself. Yay, Photoshop.
September 17th, 2008 at 12:26 pm
Oh, mercy, Julia. I had to laugh! I hate those “studio” portraits, too. So, did you buy the two 5×7s for $380?!?!?
September 17th, 2008 at 12:59 pm
Ali, I know what you mean. There were several blogs I was tempted to link to, too, but I didn’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings.
I do like to get the kids’ school photos each year, but I stick them in the photo album, not on the wall. -Julia
September 17th, 2008 at 2:18 pm
I am dying at those photos! We had a ton of those growing up. I refuse. Totally. Refuse. I love candids and outdoor photos.
I have a little something for ya…don’t feel pressure to repost, just wanted you to have it.
~melody~
September 17th, 2008 at 2:47 pm
$150 is outrageous!! I can’t believe they charge that much! I get upset when my Target pictures come to more than $50 (the grandparents just LOVE the posed pictures- me, not so much). Wow. I definitely wouldn’t have been able to hang onto my cool like you did!
September 17th, 2008 at 4:42 pm
I’ve never laughed that loud in public before. This is HILARIOUS. I’m with you… this just screams 1982 to me. And even then, just no.
September 17th, 2008 at 4:57 pm
Love those pics!! They remind of when I was younger. We only took a few posed pics as a family growing up but none of them ever turned out good. It didn’t matter if they were done in a studio our outside somewhere, they all look terrible. My mom set up family pics at a studio when I was four but the day before I learned to cut my own bangs (right in the front and all the way up to my scalp). Don’t worry, we still had the pics taken despite my bad hair day. It was lovely to see us in the same outfits in a fall setting and also in front of a snow covered window, all in the same day!! It was really sad though when my mom bought the winter scene on a giant stretched canvas and hung it in our front room so that everyone could see my new bald spot. Memories!!
September 17th, 2008 at 6:11 pm
I am off my chair with laughter and a bit frightened at the same time….we are supposed to have our church directory photo taken next week…but I know if I remember this post of yours I’ll a a “real” smile on my ol’ noggin.
Smiles ~ Ramona
September 17th, 2008 at 6:27 pm
Well at least I don’t feel so bad about not having a family portrait taken. I’ve had our girls pictures taken and they actually turned out really good *but* I think you have to pay an arm and a leg for a photographer that takes *real* outdoor shots. A really good friend with a much better camera than we have decided that both of our families should go out and take pictures last fall. It was fun and the pictures turned out pretty good too.
September 17th, 2008 at 8:23 pm
I thought of this thread and giggled like a weirdo this afternoon when my daughter came home with the forms for school pics, which will be taken this Friday. Coincidence much? (about my finds - I know! I felt bad at the check out…like I should give a donation or something, lol)
September 17th, 2008 at 10:24 pm
Okay, I agree with you in that those family portraits look so outdated. But, I’m actually feeling guilty for not having a family portrait done for the last 4 years. Maybe your right, professional family portraits are a thing of the past.
September 18th, 2008 at 12:05 am
This post made me laugh hard! Those photos inserted on brandy glasses are usually dome for photos of married couples.
September 18th, 2008 at 12:21 am
Those portraits want to make me vomit. We have one, We paid
A L O T — waaaay to much for it, but got a “free” one for participating in the church yearbook. Seriously, we look like we are part of the choir!! Id much MUCH rather set the timer on the old Kodak digital and get a genuine photo of my family than go through that one again. SERIOUS
yikes-
Lisa
coastal nest
September 18th, 2008 at 3:29 am
This post was absolutely hilarious! I forgot Olan Mills! Remember the ones of the kids, where they are a full face shot, and then also, in the same picture, a hovering profile?
September 18th, 2008 at 8:44 am
You CRACK me up!! Oh..what a blast from the past! I remember my family standing in front of a screen of fall gras with a fence…my brothers in their Quiana shirts…dad in his corderoy leisure suit, and me with my “wedge” a la Dorothy hamill cut!!
Yep…I’m even allergic to the family all standing together with a fake pasted smile….and it’s from the family camera. But, That’s MY issue…not theirs!
And as far as the brandy glass….Oh! reminds me of teacup kittens!!!
Passed out your award to many today!! thanks!!!
September 18th, 2008 at 8:52 am
Love those! Did you stop over and join Martha’s blog contest? I think you have a good chance!
September 18th, 2008 at 10:00 am
Hi Julia
Yep, we do portraits in our family, but they’re taken outside and they’re really casual. I have a few studio portraits that my mom had done when I was little, but they don’t look anything like these…. yikes!
rue
September 18th, 2008 at 10:53 am
I do agree with you about the stale studio photos. Faux lighting, faux backgrounds, faux props. Other than the kids’ school photos every year, we don’t buy into all that.
BUT, not all photographers are like that. I have a friend who is a professional photographer. The vast majority of her shoots are done on location and many of them do come across as candids. It really depends on what her client requests.
I’m not one for promoting blogs here and there, but here’s a link to hers so you can see what I mean: http://ckbykm.blogspot.com/
By the way, I really like your family photos. Tastefully done.
K-
September 18th, 2008 at 4:34 pm
Priceless, Julia! Thanks for a good laugh!
September 18th, 2008 at 5:28 pm
Can we each send you one of these type of photos of ourselves in this type of setting and will you post them? I think it would be hysterical to share this common and tragic bond.